How about a little manicure?
Rub lotion all over your hands. Heavy, oily lotion. Rub your fingernails each individually, into the cuticle and the emerging hang nails. Give yourself a little hand massage, rubbing the fatty part of your palm and the outer fleshy part by the pinky. Squeeze each finger like a tube of toothpaste but give them a quick snap! at the end. Sneak a little lotion onto your wrists or even elbows. They'll thank you. Do this throughout the test.
What students see? You wringing your hands with worry. They love and respect you and don't want you to worry. Result? They'll work harder.
Try some balancing and core exercises to strength your abdomen and back. Stand on one foot and tighten all the muscles in that leg. The other leg appears to still be bearing weight but in reality is a few millimeters off the ground. Or how about little pliets to engage your glutes and inner thighs? It's all about small movements. Focus. Tighten. Release. Some tiptoe walking also is beneficial. It's almost skirt season, ladies. Those calf muscles will be toned and sculpted to look your summer best!
What students see? Robotic movements that emphasize your inability to engage during the testing cycle. Students will become critical thinkers realizing that in no way can you answer any questions during the test.
Could you make a list? Of chores to do? Ways to improve your house? Ways to improve your husband? Groceries to buy? Or how about reasons to go to therapy? Or avoid therapy? Or why you are who you are? Ponder and come up with lists. Gaze off and think deep and hard. Really reflect. A list (or two) is bound to makes it way around.
What students see? A thoughtful teacher in a prayer-like stance wishing the very best from her students. A religious guilt will force students to go back and check their work IN THIS SESSION ONLY!
Consume large quantities of water. Take a sip. Wait ten seconds. Take a sip. Wait ten seconds. Take a long, slow mouthful and swish it around it your mouth until all the cold is gone. As the testing hour wanes, see if it takes less time for the water to go cold. Try this: see if you can get a bunch of water in your mouth, slowly lean your head back, and gargle but without making a sound. You have to be careful to only let one bubble up at a time. If you relax just a little too much, water will sneak down the back tube and a coughing fit will start. Which will then lead to a sneezing fit. Which will then lead to you having to blow your nose five or six times. Be careful if you decide to go with the water.
What the students see? All that ruckus will be a sure signal to them to use all their test strategies like you practiced. All the clock checking and coughing will convince them you're sending them a covert message to hurry up--time's almost up!
This is a real win-win for students and proctors alike. Proctors are distracted during the monotony of testing and now have supple hands, strong core musculature, a list to make the world a better place, and are well hydrated. And students? Well, students work harder, become critical thinkers, go back and check their work, and manage their time better. Who can argue with that?
Such voice! Such humor! All great ideas.... minus that water drinking one.... what are the bathroom rules for proctors?
ReplyDeletePatent it and come up with some clever and funny title and make millions! "How's It Proctoring?" or "Zen and the Art of Standardized-test Proctoring". You might talk to Susan and Michelle about their handout and see if you can work it into your book.
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