I've Been Thinking....

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about aging. This is hard. Our world revolves around youth. And I am aging. My children have gone off to college, one is ready to graduate. I see wrinkles and age spots where they never were before. I can't sleep. Me, who has "always been a good sleeper" wakes up now for hours in the middle of the night. Though I workout almost daily, I have a little inner tube around my middle I've never had before. And my skin...it just h-a-n-g-s in places. I'm more distracted and easily forget and have to write lists for everything! It's not very glamorous getting older.

Surely, if our bodies and minds are slowly decaying, surely, surely, there has to be some benefits. I just can't buy into a God that would create us only to have vibrancy in our youth. So I've been doing a lot of thinking. I think we are created to have vibrancy in our bodies in our youth. Walking around proctoring tests these last two weeks has made me notice how absolutely beautiful children are. Their smooth unmarked skin, the satin shine of their hair, their sweet round faces. They grow up a bit to become juicy and curved young women or muscled, strong young men. But then life passes. We go to college, get married, have children. We tend to them instead of to ourselves. We worry. We have a little more money and eat a little better. We drink. A lot of beer but not enough water. Our metabolism changes. We get promotions and make more money which means more responsibilities. Not only are we now tending to our children, we are tending to increased demands at work and have even less time to tend to ourselves. It takes a toll. Life takes a toll on our bodies. 

But there has to be a flip side. Someone once asked me if I could go back to any time in my life and just relive it exactly the same way again, where would I go? After lots of thinking, I decided I'd rather just stay right here. In the present. In the learning of the day to day. I know so much more about being a human being now than I ever have in my entire life. I know more about being joyful, accepting my frailties, being kinder both to myself and others, about forgiveness and pleasure, how to really laugh at myself, how to yell a little less but embrace conflict a little more. I can appreciate the small things better than ever before. 

There is a sweet sadness about aging. I can never have that 'before time' again. But I can also embrace the journey that is life--all the learning still to do and all the ways it's so. much. easier. When you have the youth, the beauty, the physical strength, you lack the wisdom to appreciate it. When you lack the beauty, the strength, the youth, you gain the ability to see the how good it really all is--even in it's aged state. 

So, I've been thinking and I think it's really all about just savoring the moment, wherever in life that may be.